Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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