in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My penis needs a shock collar
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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