she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
