Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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