I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
