He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the knife in your bed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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