there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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