you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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