if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
