he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
