just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
