Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
