I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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