Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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