I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
