I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is my gift to your gina
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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