Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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