Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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