The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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