How'd it feel making her break her religion?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
