just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
