Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
