i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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