I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
