Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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