I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
