Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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