So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
