It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was like eating out sand paper
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
