He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
