after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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