the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
