don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
