i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
