how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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