dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
