Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
