Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
