She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Less talking, more tequila
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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