Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
