There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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