Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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