You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
