he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
