I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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