hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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