this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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