I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I AM VODKA MAN
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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