did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
