Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
