And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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