I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
