I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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