her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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