Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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