I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
