I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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