Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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