There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
