I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
