I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
