What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize