i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
