There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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