I wish I only lived at night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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