im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
