my sisters under your porch take her home
she looked like the before picture.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
