I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
