Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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