I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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