Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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