Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
