I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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